Kazuki Gozarto (C-1 CLASS)

[furoshi]

-Personal Info-
Name: Kazuki
Lastname:Gozarto
Nickname: Kazu
Age: 14
Gender: Male
Org/Family: Shimon
Position: Good
Rank/Job: Shimon...guy

Personality:
Kind:
Kazuki is really friendly and his heart Enjoyful and is a dear friend he usually share and talk next to His Kindness will show inside his flames and will burst out its light and show its resolve.

Loyal:
Kazuki Is supportive to the Vongola Alliance.
He cannot betray the vongola alliance but usually he sometimes gets scared and backs out but he uses his pills to fight for his comrades and friends.

Energetic:
He likes to train alot and get stronger,He also likes fighting but he does not like violence.but he has to do it so he can win no matter what.


Friendly:
He usually is friendly to his friends and hangout with his buddies


Generous:
Kazuki Takes alot of time with there friends and share with his friends,For example he gets a football and plays with his friends and never say he doesnt want to play anymore he usually does things with his friends outside and go places and hangout.

Hard-Working:
Kazuki works really hard and accomplishes everything that he does that requires him in the battlefiled although he usually gets tired but he gets up and do the things he require.

Nervous:
Kazuki Gets nervous while in the battle He lies to himself that he won't die in the battle and he fights for his friends but when things get serious he doesn't care if he dies he will fight for his will.

Appearance:
Kazuki Has Black hair a red Hoodie Skinny Jeans,
Red Converse shoes He usually wear different kinds of Tops instead of the hoodie.He also uses a white belt that carries a box weapon.
He has brown eyes His Height is about 157 Cm,He has wristbands around his arms, the color of the wristbands are white and yellow.He has a birthmark around his back and it's shaped like a Polygon.His blood type is A type.His weight is about 101.4 lbs.He has chains under his skinny jeans just incase if one of his belt holding for box weapons rip out he can just use the chain to hold on to his box weapons.He also has a necklace where his simon ring is at and he sometimes wears the ring on his fingers.He wears white nike socks.





Origin:Japan

-Battle Statistics-

Flame Type: storm/lightning
Box Weapons:
Demetro-Cellrone(Storm/lightningWolf):
He looks like a wolf with a flaming tail
and is nervous sometimes. he has alot of fur and some flames in his torso.He gets nervouse because he does not really know much people and just shakes He may be a little wolfcub but he is strong as you think.His fur color is black.


Special Attacks:


Eye of the lightning Storm:
Makes a giant full blast with two flames combining in one attack
It will spin them around and electrify them and its bigger then the x-burner But the bad thing is it has a weakness if you charge too much your body starts to hurt because it cant hold anymore flames to the blast.


Weapons/Items:
Simon Ring

Shimon XI Gloves/Gauntlet (Very similar to tsunas gloves.)

It has a different icon compared to Tsunas and has a symbol of the Shimon family.


(Begin with 20 stat points)
Stats:
Strength-9
Agility-5
Wisdom-6

(Begin with 20 stat points)
Flame Purity-9
Flame Control/Ability- 5
Physical Flame Strength-6

1-3 is below average
4-6 is average
7-8 is advanced
9-10 is Extreme

-It's A Long Story-


History:
When Kazuki Was born And grown up He went to A foster family and raised there for about 3 years and he found his parents in Town by his foster parents told him to get some eggs.While he went to the market there was these two random people walked up to him and told him to come with them he refused and kazuki asked them why.They explained everything and came back home with there real parents but it wasn't over yet the foster parents were very worried about him but Kazuki did one more thing before he came home so he told there fake parents that hes gonna go to there real parents and the foster parents said goodbye, they were being generous and was really happy for him before his foster parents was gonna call the police. He thought that when he grows up he wants to be a engineer Although something made him change his mind and wanted to be a artist.When he is about 10 years old he transferred to a new school called namimori elementry school.His old school was Simon Elementry school,He transferred because they moved houses and they couldn't pay enough rent so they have to move to another old house where rent is a bit lower.When he is about 12 years old where he goes to namimori middle school His Dad Passed away due to a car accident.
Kazuki and his mom Cried and went to the memorial church to pray and say goodbye.When everything passed by and he is 14 years old in middle school he never forgot about his dad and usually did what he did in his life.But he never did anything much since his dad was gone But he still did something that made him a bit happier.But he left really ashamed of himself how he didn't spent time with his father but if he spent alot of time with his father then he would also die to.It really made him fustrated and confused that time but it was worth it since he lived.



RP Sample:
Kazuki was playing computer games and Watching T.v in his computer and somehow the television turned on and kazuki goes idle in the computer and watch news in the T.v,"Something big happened today what was it Quasitmoto can you tell us what it was?"Newsman said.


"Well sir there was a giant crash inside a cafe the people inside the cafe were safe but the driver were not sure about him and the ambulance is getting him."Quisitmoto said.
The reporter said as he said in the very sad way. Kazuki Gets really angry and fustrated and was nervous he yells his mom to come go to see his dad.
When they drove there they saw a giant crash and the ambulance coming to get him.his dad was all bloody and full of broken glass.
Kazuki Cried and his mom to but they drove to the hospital to see Kazuki's dad. Doc said "don't go in there hes doing surgery.


"doc is he going to be okay?"Kazuki said angrily."please doc is he okay!?!?"His mom said both ways."We don't know yet were trying to do surgery."The doctor said really sadly.Kazuki and his mom waited for a few hours until the doctor gets out.
"Is he okay now doc?" Kazuki said."I'm sorry but we had saw a broken glass in his heart and he is now dead. I'm very sorry." Doctor said.Kazuki started to have tears and his mom to.He shouted alot and cried. his mom to was in the same way not much though.
They Drove home and made a memorial for his dad and prayed. Kazuki talked inside his mind"I'm so ashamed of myself why didn't i spent time with my father?"He said so frustrated. He went upstairs and cried many times he really was very desperate."Son its time."


His father said inside his mind.His friends came knocking on the door.'knock knock' kazuki heard and he opened the door.
"Hey Kazuki want to play football with us?" one of his friends said.
"no thanks i'm not in the mood."he said."Whats wrong and your eyes are red."one of his friends said back."it's something bad that came up and i don't want to talk about it."Kazuki said."Well okay just tell us if something happened and such well bye I hope your okay."one of his friends said generously.As Kazuki closes the door he went to bed and went to sleep since he was really sad.

[Cecoil]

'Kay, bro, I'll be checking over your app now. :3

Even from just taking a general look over this, just skimming it, I can tell that it needs a lot of work. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it's stuff you need to work on or change. I really can't go in depth with what you need to work on until you begin to build on what you have.

First thing to add to: the name of your character, like I had mentioned in the c-box. You have mentioned nowhere Kazuki's last name. It could be Shimon, but judging from your history, it seems that it might be something else. Whatever. Just make sure you add it to your 'name' field and to the name of this thread.

Next, your images are much too large. Photobucket has a tool that will resize your images. Change it so that it's no more than five hundred pixels in width. You can even crop it to make it fit easier, if you'd like.

Your personality is waaaaay too short. The minimum is one hundred and fifty words. I don't even need a word counter to see that it doesn't meet the requirements. Yours is twenty-one words. Work on it, bro. Don't just say 'he's just like Tsuna.' In my opinion, RPing in a non-canon setting is the best because you can create your own characters from your imagination, rather than taking a character from a series and just naming it something different. It doesn't restrict your choices and your imagination. Even if you base it off of a character - which I still don't particularly approve of, put your own spin on it. Kazuki can have some of the same traits as Tsuna, but he can't be a clone.

Also regarding your images, they honestly look a lot like Tsuna, but I can definitely see the differences. To kind of highlight these differences, I would prefer you to have a written-out appearance section rather than just a picture. Once again, don't just copy Tsuna's appearance. This is Kazuki, not Tsuna, so make it unique. The minimum for this is also one hundred and fifty words.

You need a description of your box weapon animal. This is only fifty words, but it should be a quick run-down on how your Sky Wolf looks and acts.

Hyper Dying Will is totally okay for a special attack. But you need to elaborate on it. It cannot be exactly like Tsuna's, if you haven't caught on yet. Use your imagination and modify it to your liking.

The Zero Point Breakthrough 2nd Edition, though, isn't really gonna fly with me. Sky can override my decision, but I'd like it if you made up your own special attack rather than just taking Tsuna's. I can see where you're coming from, though. Tsuna is really cool, and he's the strongest character on the show. But this isn't the show, and you need to make your character more of an individual rather than a carbon copy.

Your 'more moves soon' comment scared me a little. lol If you read the Classes and Ranks thread, you'd see that your character will only gain a new move whenever he has trained long and hard enough. This decision is decided entirely by staff, and I suggest you make use of your five special attack slots now. You may not just add special attacks whenever you feel like it, is what I'm trying to say.

Once again with the Tsuna-copying, Kazuki's gloves may be similar to Tsuna's but they have to be different as well. To do this, add a description to your weapon. Highlight the differences. It isn't particularly difficult.

Your history is way to short as well. It needs to be at least two hundred words. History is the easiest part for me. It's like a story with your character in it. It leads from birth to their current state. Also, I don't approve of how similar your history is to Tsuna's. I know this seems to be a recurring theme, but make it differenttttt. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being a unique individual. I find it much more fun than being a rip-off.

The RP sample is also too short. Two hundred and fifty words is the magic number. The RP sample is also kind of easy, yanno? It's just a little summary of your skill.

Sorry if this seems like a lot, but if you take things one by one, it'll be easy. PM me, c-box me, reply here, or whatever if you have any questions or confusions. Happy RPing~

[Cecoil]

Alright, round twoooo. :3

The pictures are looking much better. :3 Thanks so much for that. But your last name needs to be added to the thread title as well, although I see that you added a new field for it. Not a lot of effort there. lol

Your personality is looking much better than your last one, but it's still a little short. So far, you've only got ninety-nine words. One hundred and fifty words is the minimum, like I said. It's fine that you did it the way you did, too. That's how Shiro did it, too. lol But elaborate on each one. Make each a tad longer and add more. Make him more three-dimensional. Not all people are perfect, add some flaws to him. Is he quick to anger? A little too stubborn? Selfless to a fault?

Your appearance is better than the picture, too. :3 I'm happy you changed it, but it needs to be longer, too. Once again, one-fifty is the number you're looking for. You can describe his clothing, but keep in mind he won't be wearing the same thing everyday. One thing I really, really liked about REBORN! was how much effort was put into the clothing. They didn't just wear the same thing. It was cool and reflected their personalities and tastes. You can add Kazuki's own style, and add stuff like how tall he is, hair color, scars, birthmarks, whatever.

Like Sky had said, you can't have a Sky flame yet, so I guess you'll have to change a bunch of your combat stuff. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Again, rather than just having a picture of Kazuki's gloves, please use words to describe them, highlighting the differences between Tsuna's gloves and his.

Your history word count is almosttttt there. :3 You're at one hundred and seventy-five words. The minimum is two hundred. You can do it!:D

But, the thing is, you can do a lot to elaborate that will eat up those last twenty-five words like it was nothing. Why was Kazuki given up for adoption in the first place? How old was he when he was adopted? What were his foster parents like? Also, when you say that he just went and ditched them to be with his real parents, it's highly unrealistic. If you could sort that out to make it believable, that'd be really cool. How did Kazuki know that they were his real parents, anyways? If they gave him up for adoption in the first place, why would they take him back? Why did he want to be an engineer? What changed his mind to become and artist?

Another thing, I'm pretty sure the school isn't going to be called Shimon Elementary. I can't remember what it was called in the manga, but it probably wasn't that. I like how you added the canon earthquake, but that was... about ten years in the past from our current day. If we were to follow that logic, Kazuki would be twenty. lol So, the earthquake would have happened when he was about four. How did Kazuki feel about his father passing away? Obviously, he didn't care too much if he just forgot about him. lol But why? And how was he introduced into the mafia world, most importantly? If you don't want to have that, then you can't have the box weapon and HDW mode yet.

Your RP sample is almosttttt there, too. You have two hundred and thirty-six words, and the minimum is two-fifty. I like how you chose a moment in his past, but the grammar is really bad, to be honest. I get a little crazy when it comes to this stuff lol But could you attempt to fix it? I know it can be hard sometimes, but if you just read it to yourself outloud, you can find a lot of things you can fix.

Also, 'John' isn't a Japanese name. lol Since this is in Japan, there probably won't be any people named 'John' on the news. Also, this is a story-RP, meaning *action* RPing and movie-script RPing are not allowed. So when you have 'Kazuki:', you have to have 'Kazuki said, "Whatever."' If this is an example of how you'll be RPing, it's kind of obvious why we can't allow you to have a really important character. When you improve, you can certainly try again. But, for now, you just need a general push in the right direction, and me and Sky are here to help you. <3333

Anyways, yup, so there's your second check-over. Not bad for someone just starting out. Anyways, you know that drill, PM me, c-box me, reply here and whatever if you have any questions!

[Cecoil]

Round three~ lol

"Kazuki Takes alot of time with there friends and share with his friends even though he doesn't share alot but he still shares to his friends."

There's really only a certain amount of bad grammar I can take. Even if you just read that out loud you can tell that it's weird. Just fix the grammar some.

Also concerning your personality, I noticed you putting the effort in to add negative traits as well, but you need to elaborate more. He gets angry sometimes? Does that mean he has anger problems? What are certain things that push his buttons? You've got enough words, but not enough content, if you know what I mean.

I don't think you caught what I said about your appearance. It isn't long enough. Please read the last post to see what I said about it.

You're going to need to describe your wolf more. It needs to be at least fifty words. Why does he get nervous? When he's not nervous, what is he? How large is he? Is he a specific type of wolf?

I've mentioned this in the last two posts, you need to explain your HDW mode. Please refer back to the last two posts for more specifics.

I see you fixed the history near the end, but there was still that stuff I mentioned in the beginning. Check my last post to see what.

Again in your RP sample, you need to get ride of the colons. We use apostrophes, like in a book. What you use is in movie scripts. You'll need to change the formatting of that.

Overall, please do not use text speak anywhere on your application. Even when you're RPing, text speak will not be acceptable. Also, you need to work on your grammar and spelling. Punctuation and capitalization are key. Make things flow better.

Honestly, I pretty much repeated myself. Please check my critiques thoroughly and change them so I won't have to repeat myself. Thanks~

[Cecoil]

Number four!:D

"He usually is friendly to his friends but not all the time cause sometimes gets in a angry mood and doesn't really want to talk much to his friends.He "

I mentioned in the last post of how you need to elaborate on what makes him angry. It looks like you were about to start something, then forgot. lol

"Kazuki Has Black hair a red Hoodie Skinny Jeans,
Converse Shoes He usually wear different kinds of Tops instead of the hoodie Just to let u know.He also uses a white belt.
He has brown eyes His Height is about 18.3,He has wristbands around his arms but its inside his shirt so you cant see it.
He has a birthmark around his back."

The grammar in this is rather bad, as well. It looks like you hit the enter button to start a new line a couple of times here. It look infinitely more attractive if you get rid of it. Also, there are somethings that don't need to be capitalized, like black. Only proper nouns get capitalized, bro. Punctuation would also help. It's too short, too. Eye color? What's his birthmark look like? 18.3 what? Centimeters? Feet? lol Does he have a lanky bodybuild? Totally ripped? Also, no text talk, meaning 'u' turns to 'you'.

"Hyper Dying Will Mode:
A relative of a dying will mode except you dont rip ur clothes off instead you go calm mode and fight for your life."

Again, the text talk needs to go. I'm glad you added a description, but is there absolutely no other difference there is with Tsuna's? Does a storm of lightning flame appear on your forehead? Is there anything special about your Hyper Dying Will Mode?

"Eye of the lightning tornado:
Makes a giant full blast with two flames combining in one attack
It will spin them around and electrify them."

How is it that the person gets inside the tornado? How large is it? If it includes both flames, why is it only called 'Eye of the Lightning Tornado'?

Just a couple things with your history I had mentioned, all the boring legal stuff wouldn't allow your character to just leave his foster parents for his real ones. You have to make the switch over somewhat realistic. Also, how is it that your character knew when he saw his real parents? 'Cause, it could just be, like, anyone picking him off the streets. lol

"something big happened today what was it Quasitmoto can u tell us what it was?"Newsman said.

Text talk in your RP sample, bro!

"... the driver didnt survive the ambulance is coming to get him we are not sure that hes still alive or not."

lol If he didn't survive, how is it that they're not sure if he's dead or not? Obviously, he's still alive if they're doing surgery on him later.

"Doctor:dont go in there hes doing surguery."

Once again, no colon. Also, if I'm gonna be picky. 'Don't' has an apostrophe, 'He's' should also have one, should be capitalized with a period in front of it, and you spelled surgery wrong.

"*knock knock*"

Ahhhh, don't do that. Don't ever do that! >.< That's probably one of my biggest pet peeves. Don't use asterisks to show action or sound or whatever. Even just . 'Knock knock' would be alright. Just no asterisks, for the love of God. lol

Throughout the whole RP sample, whenever you start new dialogue, when someone new is saying something, you hit the enter button twice to make it easier to read.

Alright, great improvements, Kazu!:D I'm really happy to see you improving so quickly. Yanno, I only really copy/paste excerpts of an application whenever it's close to being accepted. You're almost there, bro!

[.::Skies The Limit::.]

1. Please eliminate any potential of God-modding in your description of special attacks.

2. Hyper Dying Will Mode officially restricted for this application.

3. Sorry I'm not trying to be mean. I might make side-notes like these if i ever notice anything.

[Cecoil]

Five~

Your personality is pretty fantastic for your experience level. I'm happy you've come so far. But you've still room to improve. Kazuki needs some flaws. He seems too perfect so far. And no one is perfect. Give him some negative traits. If you have trouble thinking of some, you can just google 'negative personality traits' and some will come up.

"Kazuki Has Black hair a red Hoodie Skinny Jeans,
Converse Shoes He usually wear different kinds of Tops instead of the hoodie Just to let u know.He also uses a white belt.
He has brown eyes His Height is about 18.3 Meters,He has wristbands around his arms, the color of the wristbands are white and yellow..He has a birthmark around his back and its shaped like a scar."

Your appearance is only sixty-six words. It needs to be at least one hundred and fifty. Also, you still have text speak in there. Do you know how tall 18.3 meters is? lol Six feet equals 1.82 meters. If you do the math, 18.3 meters is entirely unrealistic. He has a birthmark shaped like a scar? Scars come in all different shapes, bro. You're better off naming an actual shape than a scar.

The way Kazuki moves to his real parent's house is still unrealistic. Just think about it. In our current society, do you think the foster parents wouldn't worry if their son didn't return from shopping? They would probably call the police, and his real parents would probably be arrested. It's not as if the foster parents would forget about their adopted son.

"*knock knock*"

Ahhhh, bro! What'd I say?! No asterisks in an RP. Ever! You should have caught that in my last check-over. Please try and read over the whole thing I post and change everything. Sometimes, it seems as if you forget to do some things. This could have been a lot shorter if you had remembered to do everything I asked.

I see that you pressed the enter button to start a new paragraph, but it's still difficult to see. The thing is, you need to hit the enter button twice so you can tell the paragraphs apart easier, like how I do my check-over posts. You can clearly see each topic by paragraph.

Alright, anyways, you're almost there, you're so close. Please try and remember to read everything. Absolutely everything. And change everything that I ask. Mmkay, well, you know what to do!

[Cecoil]

Alrighty, then. You know the drill by now, I suppose:D

"Energetic:
He likes to train alot and get stronger,He also likes fighting but he does not like violence.but he has to do it so he can win no matter what.

Lazy:
Kazuki gets lazy sometimes like he does not do his homework or wakes up from school.

Generous:
Kazuki Takes alot of time with there friends and share with his friends,For example he gets a football and plays with his friends and never say he doesnt want to play anymore he usually does things with his friends outside and go places and hangout.

Selfish:
Kazuki can be selfish sometimes because usually for example if he likes a girl and someones treating her that good he gets angry and tells him to get out."

Other than some of the bad grammar I'd like you to fix, energetic is the opposite of lazy, and generous for selfish. It's not exactly wrong for you to do this, but I'll give you a shortcut that you can use now and in the future. You can just combine the two traits together. He can be energetic, like when it comes to fighting and combat. In his will to get stronger, he can be energetic. But, when it comes to other things, like schoolwork, he may not be as eager. Just combine them into a 'He - blank blank blanks - but - blank blank blank blanks'. Or 'In certain cases, he -blanks- but whenever he - blanks - he is - blank -' Yanno what I mean? It's like 'to an extent' sort of thing. 'Cause, yeah, people aren't going to be one-dimensional with just a couple of character traits. Their certain dispositions will be to a certain extent, and then consciousness and will takes over.

Your appearance, from my word counter, is one hundred and fifty-one words. Congrats, you made it!:D Buuut, just a couple of things.

"Just to let u know."

First of all, there's text speech in there. That's glaringly obvious, but, also, that statement is entirely unneeded. It doesn't particularly add anything to his appearance, so it isn't necessary for it to be there.

"He usually gets scared in fights but he lies to himself to fight for honor and for his friends."

This is more fitting to go in the personality section. But, that is a rather curious sentence that you could build off of if you put it in your personality. He lies to himself? That's pretty interesting. How so? What does he tell himself? Is it outright delusion, or is there some truth to what he tells himself?

It's fantastic how you spaced out the paragraphs in your RP sample. Very excellent. You'll want to do that whenever you RP, alright. But there's still a few things.

"'Something big happened today what was it Quasitmoto can u tell us what it was?'"

Text talk alert! 'You' instead of 'u'.

Also something you need to watch for, the pronoun 'I' is always capitalized. Also, watch the punctuation and run-on sentences. This isn't something you need to change now, but I'm just making a note so you'll have it in the back of your mind to improve it. Good grammar is the foundation of a good RPer. We can't really go into detail and style until your grammar is somewhat decent.

Mmkay, well, you can really tell how much you've improved, huh? Looking back on my previous critiques, I can see that you've really worked hard. Uhh, you know what to do. Questions can be directed at me anywhere, and I'll try and help you the best I can.

[Cecoil]

EXPERIENCE POINTS : 1,500

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